The family is gathering
The preparations being made
And I'm pulling out my black dress
I should be mourning
I should be feeling sad
For the man who never had a chance
And suffered for so long
But my head is in a different place
And my heart is breaking for someone else
And there's a question that
Can't quite leave me alone
Can this really be goodbye?
Are we really done?
Why the heck did you put me in this spot?
Why did it have to be all or none?
I've spent my life drowning
in waters of black and white thinking
Now you've done it, you made me choose
and I did what I had to.
But all I want right now
Is for the time to reverse
To the times when I didn't have to think so hard
To the times we just let love run its course
I want to go back to August
When you said, I didn't have to choose
You hushed my fears, took me as I was
And promised there'd be nothing to lose
I want to go back to September
When you took me camping on a date
I caught my first fish, had our second first kiss
And got home a little too late
I want to go back to October
Everything was happening so fast,
But I trusted you, haunted house and all, :P
Thought this love would be my last
Even in November,
when the world was open wide
12 weeks til we're clean
and you promised you'd be, forever by my side
But then came December
I don't want to remember that month
With my doubts, crushed hopes and promises
Shattered more than once
And January was supposed to be new
Forget what was broken, forget what was said
Make new habits, boundaries,
and begin again
But that demon fate, put in a word of his own
He made bad seem even worse
All weakness flaunted, sore spots jaunted
Fires lit, left no time for remorse
And the time came for us to take final count
He surrendered the keys for my taking
The emotional charge raised the stakes way too high
And I took those keys, smiling and faking
Then the smile faded and I keep wringing my hands
Trying to see if it all was worth it
I'm thinking in circles, and all around him
Both parties did wrong, we deserve this
We pumped this up
We pressured and pimped
He bought a ring
And I held it all in
He crossed a line
I crossed it back
He saw my secrets
I saw him crack
We both saw each other in a dramatized new
Where anger and fear led us to do
Things we wished we wouldn't
And say words we thought we couldn't
He manipulated and pushed
I withdrew and crushed
We were selfish, I can say it
We were catty and I hate it
But now the dust has settled
And we're on different sides
I can think a little clearer
And see where truth resides
Hindsight has a funny way of teaching
It makes all things look silly and small
Because when I think back on September
I realize nothing has changed at all
Now my calendar says six weeks
Til you can marry Kyle cause you're clean
And I wish we could go back to when we had good sense
And see what that could mean
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