The Vow

I remember a vow
I took with a friend
We said no more guys
that couldn't work out in the end

We promised each other
and pinky swore
We committed to sainthood
But hoped for something more

Then we parted ways
And I met my first match
An old spark that shone bright
And wanted to catch

I said no and he reasoned,
I said no and he fled
But my heart was heavy
As I cried in my bed

He was a 4 on the checklist
but perfect 10 in my heart
And despite my best judgement,
I let the fling start

But I was torn all along
Because 4 was not 10
My parents constantly reminded me
of the pact with my friend

And I struggled and failed
dissonance ringing again
When I gave too much of myself
And took too much in return

I found some things never change
Some lessons I never learn,
and I got to the point,
it was time for the burn

It came like a storm
Angry and fast
All things perfect and pretty
Destroyed by the blast

I cut him deep
before he hurt me
But the storm cleared up
I had a moment to see

What I saw was a chance
Things didn't have to be this way
I was the 4 and with help,
could be a 10 someday

I came up with a plan
Finally seeing the light
I was the happiest I had been
And slept soundly that night

I woke up with a smile,
Stretched and checked my phone
My smile turned into grief
When his true feelings were known

8 pages of text,
berating and cold
hateful and hurting
"It's over" in bold

The wound had reopened
Forgiveness turned back to deep pain
I had to fix this and would
I prayed one last chance still remained

I put it all out on the table
realizing what I had and could lose
I begged in my heart his forgiveness,
and left it up to him to choose

Then the clouds cleared and the sun shone
I cried when he chose me
I knew then and there
how much we could be someday

But we weren't done with confessing
and this time, his turn
The words stopped my heart
and made my insides churn

I couldn't look at him, I couldn't breathe
A trust so sacred, was broken
And I ran away, far and fast
While on tears I was choking

And I ran and I cried
ignored his attempt to close the door
Went to school and I sat
Trying to not cry any more

But the anger was there,
betrayal and hurt replaced the sun
the devastating act, stung like a burn
It couldn't be undone.

And I couldn't forgive,
and I can't let go
He didn't know what he did
didn't know the strength of the blow

But I don't want to give him another chance.
I don't want to say it's okay
I can't give him the piece of me
When there's justice to pay

But like death, gone is gone
And the pages won't turn back
The only question is how long
My heart will stay black